This too shall pass - these 4 words have helped me crawl out of the darkness and they have also reminded me to take a step back and linger in the moments that feel good.
Here is my attempt to chronicle the chattering, the giggles, the happy and sad moments of daily life.
Cheers to constant and never-ending improvement!
It's wild how time can fly by. I have been thinking about starting this up again for a while and I'm shocked to see that it's been 1 year and 2 days since my last post. Wow...my life has changed a bit. I have a little girl named Aspen who will be 8 months old on Oct. 20, 2011. I feel like I owe it to her to capture my favorite moments so she can look back at a period of time that I will always remember but she probably won't.
Aspen Sophia...you make my heart sing baby girl!
Yosemite, late August camping trip.
Aspen is 6 months old and clearly having a good time!
I just love this picture. Here she is in her normal glory.
Bright eyed, full of energy and ready to take on the world @ 7 months.
This process of growing another human being is a wild experience. I swear that this little girl already has an attitude and I told Kevin she has some of his mothers blood coursing through her veins already. :D
I picked up these "bellow the belly" maternity pants and she has made it very clear that she is not happy with them. They invade HER space and she has been very good at communicating her discontent. Suddenly, we are no longer "sharing" my body - she thinks she is in control already and throwing temper tantrums when life isn't to her liking. Oh man, I think Kevin and I are in for it. I also bet all my chips on black, reassured by Kevin's cool cucumber demeanor and my history of being an angelic child ;) - I had imagined we would be walking down easy street with the most even tempered, happy baby in town. Now, I'm not so sure. I think we are in for a wild ride.
Memorial Weekend we had a BBQ and Ryan started a pool.
Round 1 eliminations starts (hopefully) on Friday, Sept. 17, 2010 when we have an ultrasound scheduled to peek...does Mini G have girl parts or boy parts? Girl parts or Boy parts? Girl parts or Boy Parts?
Due date based on:
Last Menstrual Period (LMP) 2-17-2010
1st ultrasound: 2-20-2010
Range from N/T Scan 2-13-2011 to 3-3-2011
Who? Sex / Due Date
Ryan G / 2-18
Debbie G / 2-28
Dick B / 3-1
Gina B / 2-26
Kevin G / 2-25
Josh G / 2-11
Tim G / 2-25
Tammy B / 2-22
Caitlyn B / 2-27
Alisha B / 2-12
Julie G / 2-14
Krissy B / 2-26
Jenn G / 2-16
Ashlee B / 2-19
Monica B / 2-21
Technology is absolutely amazing! Here Mini G is 14 weeks and from the crown to the rump s/he is just over 6cm's long. For such a tiny little thing, this picture is amazingly clear.
This picture is from the ultrasound we had done they call an N/T Scan. This along with blood work told us the following risk assessments:
Down Syndrome: 1 / 2,000
Trisomy 18: 1 / 98,000
I fretted and stressed about having this test done. If something was terribly wrong, I couldn't imagine terminating this pregnancy, so I thought this test was totally unnecessary. Kevin wanted to know, to be able to prepare. Since this baby is 1/2 his, I gave in and I am so happy that I did. Our little Mini G is fine and we were able to watch Mini move all around, waving arms and doing somersaults.
S/he was sleeping when we first got there so I ate a piece of candy to wake Mini G up, and that did the trick so much that s/he got the hiccups! It was amazing to watch her move around and at one point she even turned away and mooned us. This kid has attitude already! :) After miscarrying over Christmas, I was scared to get too excited. The loss broke my heart, a void that still makes me cry and shakes me to the core of my being. I was constantly worried, almost convinced that we were not going to be able to keep this one either. After watching Mini G push against the walls of my uterus and move around - it hit me - WE ARE HAVING A BABY! WE ARE HAVING A BABY!
Laughing, crying, and dancing with more love in my heart than I know what to do with...WE ARE HAVING A BABY.
My Ob/Gyn, Dr. Levine, said Mini G was a wild child! Mini was moving, kicking, and flipping around so much we had a hard time hearing the heartbeat for more than a couple of seconds. I didn't get this part on video, BUT, we heard Mini G kicking! It was crazy. We could hear the heartbeat very faint in the background and then loud rhythmic thumps that Dr. Levine said was Mini flailing about and kicking.
Check out the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLRNQXkLWlA
The countdown begins. 5 weeks until we find out the sex and 27 more weeks until we get to see, hold, and love our little Mini G.
Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
What do I do to get an A in Political Science? I volunteer at Veggielution. Ha! What did I do at Veggielution today...here you go. This is rule # 498 - Never do homework with sun stroke.
Today I weeded and weeded and weeded. I can see why farmers want to use GMO seeds and fertilizer and weed killer…all the lovely chemical compounds that scientists with their pocket protectors and glass beakers have been working so very hard to create that contaminate our streams and drinking water and cause cancers that we don’t even want to start getting into here. Weeds SUCK.
So, today I walked up and down the planted rows with a Hula Hoe attempting to uproot weeds. Once I finished uprooting the invasive little things, I went back down the rows to pick up all the weeds in a bucket. Apparently even though it was well above 85 degrees and the sun was beating down and sucking all the energy out of me – these weeds have a spirit that won’t be broken easily. If not picked up, the weeds will shrivel in the hot San Jose sun but still manage to retain enough moisture and energy to re-root themselves and continue about their main priority of multiplying.
Today, I learned that I do not want a manual labor job. I learned that it is better to stay in school, to learn about GMO’s, organics, and why we should support our local Farmer’s Markets or CSA’s – rather than being the one slowly drifting into a melanoma induced coma. I realize that farm workers should be able to unionize, they deserve benefits and their job is up there with a “knocker” at a slaughter house. I decided that I will finish school and honor the walls that surround me hour after hour which the air conditioner happily uses energy inefficiently due to the basic design of the machine and the fact that the doors have gaps large enough to roll a raisin under, allowing all the hot air outside – to come inside.
That big, ugly word people don't talk about...MISCARRIAGE. Sorry, I just have to get it out there. Miscarriage, miscarriage, miscarriage, miscarriage...ok, it's starting to get easier. Maybe one more time? MiScArRiAgE.
3 months went by doing everything "right" for the baby. We started talking about names, telling close family and friends, and the excitement was mounting. We got to peak inside and see it's heart beat...the life within a life...then it was all gone. GONE. The baby died or did I loose it? My body still thought I was pregnant. A D&C Christmas Eve. The Holidays. My womb, empty. I am alone again...
That jarring realization that I can have a glass of wine with dinner...because I am alone...because my womb is empty - doesn't have a name. The way my breasts went back to normal, how my bloated abdomen has flattened out...all confirming this hallow, empty feeling. There will be no baby coming in July.
To walk through each day knowing a life was growing inside me, was such a wonderful feeling. From the moment I woke up, to the moment my eyes closed for the night - I was aware, I loved, I dreamed.
I do know it's going to be ok. I do know it's all for the best. I know, I know, GOD DAMN IT I KNOW! So then why does my heart still ache so bad? Why won't my dreams let it rest? It's almost been a month, it feels like it's been 3.
I love you, my little pea. I miss you, my little pea. I'll be waiting for you to come back to me, my little pea.
My coffee habit...how did it begin? I'm not sure and I hope it will never end. I have come to love my morning shower ritual. The comforts of warm water caressing my body while the fog lifts and I my day begins with my morning cup of coffee, is a feeling I treasure.
I started to blow dry my hair, looking for my coffee...started giggling when I realized it was still in the shower. When did this start???? The simply pleasure struck me this morning as odd but in the most beautiful and relaxing way.
Do you really taste oranges in that Starburst candy? The answer is No. So, where did this orange flavor come from? It might seem disturbing that in reality the majority of today’s food contains artificial flavoring, and “natural” flavoring in almost every ingredient label that American consumers purchase. At some point, “flavoring” invaded this world along with the push for cost reduction and convenience through the disguise of processed foods, drive thru restaurants, and microwave dinners. While Americans are happily consuming a variety of cheap, fast, and tasty processed foods – flavorists have been working hard on creating chemical compounds that tantalize our taste buds and keep us coming back for more.
Within a society that offers so much processed food, it is a near impossible task for parents to teach children how to choose fresh and healthy foods. The lack of convenience that natural and unprocessed foods present is also a huge turn off when more often both parents are working full time jobs. Since there is very little information about what these artificial flavorings and “natural” flavorings consist of, and even less information about how these chemicals react in the human body when consumed, it is easy to turn a blind eye to their presence in the American diet. However, if perception is 9/10’s of any situation, and Americans perceive that Starburst’s strawberry flavoring represents the taste of fresh picked, ripe strawberries; our children are doomed to a life riddled with food secretly sickening the public and forgoing nutrition.
Taste and texture tend to go hand in hand. If the texture of a processed food feels odd in the mouth, even if the flavor is on target, a consumer might not purchase it again. Even though a company may have the taste and texture dialed to perfection, and an aggressive marketing strategy, they are not guaranteed the product’s success. It is a tough and competitive market. Because of this, an incredible amount of research has been dedicated to the evaluation and evolution of texture. According to Schlosser, the author of Fast Food Nation, the ““mouthfeel” can be adjusted through the use of various fats, gums, starches, emulsifiers, and stabilizers”(127). If you have ever stopped to wonder why a piece of chicken from Burger King looks and tastes so different from anything that can be purchased from your grocery store’s meat counters and home cooked meals, you can stop wondering now. The processed food we consume today has been engineered, flavored, preserved, and packaged with great care for cost. Unfortunately, quality and nutrition are not of the greatest concern.
The flavor industry is an incredibly powerful group without much competition. One of the largest companies in the flavor industry is International Flavors and Fragrances Incorporated (IFF). IFF is part of the S&P 500 and boasted impressive profits for 2008. Reported revenues of 2008 reaching $2,389,372,000 and gross profits were a remarkable $970,634,000. According to their official website, IFF’s “expertise in areas such as maskers, blockers, enhancers, and sensates offers you new solutions for optimizing the taste of your product when flavor just isn’t enough.” IFF is a well rounded company, diversified by their work in the beverage, dairy, fabric care, fine fragrance, home care, ingredients, oral care, pharmaceutical, personal wash, savory, sweet, and toiletry industries.
When a company as large and wide spread as IFF is creating chemicals that find their way into the majority of processed foods Americans consume, one might expect a lot of regulations by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The disturbing fact is that the FDA has done little to protect the very group they represent, the consumers. The FDA has given consumers a definition of what artificial flavoring and natural flavoring means, but does not require IFF and companies alike to list the ingredients used as “long as all the chemicals are considered by the agency to be GRAS (Generally Regarded As Safe)” (Schlosser 125). It may be possible that the amounts of chemicals present in food for “flavoring” is that of such a small amount that the FDA finds it unnecessary to test and regulate. Your initial inclination might be to agree, if the additives are at the bottom of the ingredient list, indicating they are of the smallest quantities, they should not be harmful. However, as Schlosser describes, the potency of the chemicals that provide the dominant flavor of bell pepper which “can be tasted in amounts as low as .02 parts per billion; one drop is sufficient to add flavor to five average size swimming pools” (124). If these swimming pools are rectangular in shape, and the dimensions are 16x32 feet, that would be one drop of flavoring into 10,028,747,200 drops of water. Now that is some powerful chemical! If that single drop of water can make five swimming pools taste like bell pepper, the public deserves to know exactly what is going into their food, regardless of the fact that the FDA considers these chemicals to be “generally regarded as safe”.
Consumers need to start taking responsibility for what they eat. The individual consumer is extremely powerful, and often unknowingly. If customers were to start refusing to purchase food that contains artificial and “natural” flavorings, the grocery stores and retailers alike would stop selling these products. So why are Americans taking this, sitting down in their recliners, eating a Whopper from Burger King? Ignorance is the plain and simple truth. Unfortunately, most Americans do not know about the issues Eric Schlosser raises in Fast Food Nation. Americans might start asking questions, if they knew what questions to ask, and who to ask them to. The vast majority of consumers likely have no idea that companies like IFF and the flavorists they employ even exist. Nor do the majority of people realize the extent to which their food is being engineered and modified. The flavor industry has been allowed to operate while keeping their ingredients a secret and thus deflecting criticism and questions that would surely pique the interest of American consumers.
When companies like McDonald’s are “hoping that nostalgic childhood memories of a brand will lead to a lifetime of purchases, companies now plan “cradle-to-grave” advertising strategies” (Schlosser 43) - it is no wonder Americans are more over weight than ever before. If a child grows up eating at McDonald’s and is unable to replicate the same flavors and texture in their kitchens as adults, of course they would continue to seek out fast food. Their palates have become acquainted with the engineered “mouthfeel” of fast food, creating a queer experience when an unprocessed, unflavored piece of meat is being eaten. Yet the bold and flavorful tastes and textures of food served at fast food restaurants are anything but natural. When comparing fresh, organic food with what you can find at a fast food restaurant, the fresh food seems bland and boring. This is an example of “cradle-to-grave” advertising at its finest. Once hooked, the fast food industry has a customer for life and chances are that customers will also teach their children the same terrible habits, perpetuating the problem and creating a vicious cycle.
Habits are routines of a behavior that is repeated regularly, they tend to occur subconsciously, without direct conscious awareness about them. Parents pass on habits to their children and this is another example of what makes “cradle-to-grave” advertising plans so successful. Americans can swiftly and quickly influence the flavor industry to make changes simply by not purchasing products with obscure labeling and instead, demanding insight on what chemicals are being used. Once the chemical compounds are made public, testing can be done to confirm if the FDA’s listing of GRAS (Generally Regarded As Safe) chemicals are truly safe at today’s average level of consumption. The only way people can make better decisions for themselves and their family is through education. When trade secrets are allowed to be kept by the very governmental organization that was created to protect us, no one is safe. Read labels and recognize your power as a consumer, one person can make a difference.
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Oh Oli, Henry would say. Olive, a crass woman who shot from the hip without much consideration for others. In an instant, Olive has examined, judged and convicted her subjects...not leaving room for discovery.
I've had an Olive in my life, a bitter man, easily angered with moods that changed quicker than the tide. He, like Olive, believed he loved people and was shocked when he was told that people couldn't see through the cold, sharp exterior he present to the world.
I enjoyed Olive's reflection at the end of the book. Olive is the polar opposite of who I am, but I did learn from her. Rather than simply loving someone at the surface, richness in life is never gained by simply scratching the surface. Dig deep, take the time, and allow love to flow through multiple dimensions. Don't allow the busy world to stifle or corrupt your true intentions.
I hope I will never pray to die quickly, only pray to stay a little longer. I hope that my light will continue to shine after I have left this world. I hope that people will not question my love, but continue to feel it long after I am gone.
This class is blowing my mind with some of it's facts, statistics and commentary. I had sex education in high school, but EVERYONE should take this class once they have had some experience in the world, De Anza College calls is HUMA 10.
74% of white women & 26% of black woman (between 18 & 36) had 13 or more sexual partners.
Vibrators were the 15th household appliance to be electrified after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle & toaster.
Girls learn to nod their head during conversations with other girls. This lets the talker know that she is being listened to. When a woman nods her head during a conversation with a man, he thinks she agrees with him. When a man doesn't nod his head when a woman is talking to him, she may think he isn't listening to her. All of this can lead to feeling misunderstood and to poor communication.
Study re: first meetings between men and woman. Women who "flirt" using non-verbal cues as hair flipping and head nodding, are encouraging men to reveal more about themselves, which would in turn allow the woman to formulate an impression of the men. Men, on the other hand, view flirting as a way to show interest in a potential relationship.
By making girls help with the cooking and cleaning; and boys take out the trash - these little everyday actions build into powerful messages about gender.
The clitoris has twice the # of nerve endings (8,000) as the penis (4,000). (Oh, lucky me!)
3 million girls undergo genital mutilation every year according to the World Health Organization (WHO, 2008)
My rating: 4 of 5 stars When I was about 1/2 way through this book I started thinking this HAS to be grossly exaggerated, however at some undefined point I started to believe. This book once again makes me think - Perception is 9/10's of any situation! These kids made the best of what life dealt them and that is a beautiful thing.
It's always humbling to read a memoir that makes your childhood seem rosy in comparison. I knew from the very beginning that Brian was going to become a cop, it was in his nature at 7 years old.
This makes me wonder which side of the fence does the grass grow greener? a) Family that takes and takes from you; making you draw boundaries and dealing with the guilt of saying, "No. I'm sorry, I can't do that." at times. or b) Family that won't accept your help; rendering you helpless and dealing with the guilt of not doing enough.
My husband and I have been married for a year and we have been talking about babies for a while. This is my first month off birth control and we will see what happens. I am CONSTANTLY finding myself daydreaming about what lies ahead for us.
Blood of my blood, bone of my bone - I'm scared because I love something so much my heart aches yet it hasn't even been conceived yet. How is this possible?
The key to your happiness is to own your slippers, own who you are, own how you look, own your family, own the talents you have & own the ones you don't. If you keep saying your slippers are not yours, you will die searching, you'll die bitter, always feeling you were promised more. NOT ONLY OUR ACTIONS BUT ALSO OUR OMISSIONS BECOME OUR DESTINY. -- Cutting for Stone by A. Verghese
These lines rocked my world and it's safe to say I have some owning up to do...
Thauna's musings inspired me this morning. We all should have a bucket list and a way to track the accomplishments of our lives. Here is my bucket list in no particular order. :)
Muddy Buddy 2009 was a blast...or so I thought until I saw this picture of Jules coming down the slide. I guess Muddy Buddy and Land Rover thought this was pretty damn funny themselves because I got this postcard in the mail on friday. I laughed so hard I almost fell off the chair when I saw this one.
I should probably explain a few things. Our team name is 2 Dirty Bra-wds (to help explain our attire). And I have to tell you, this is the best race of the year in my opinion! Everyone dresses up to do this ride & run. It's <>
Left to right: Me, Jules, Marc & Kevin (my hubby)
Crusin' through the mud pit...
Marc, Kevin, Me & Jules...sober :)
The crew, minus Kristina & Richard. L-R: Marc, Kevin, Me, Jules, Natalie & Randy
I was minding my own business, reading the writings on the stall today when it happened...
I committed my first criminal act of vandalism! Normally I'm not moved to vandalize things, but this question begged a response. So I did it, I pulled out a PENCIL penned a response.
The question: I'm so scared of love every time I see it I look away. What's your secret? My response: Dive in! You have more to gain than you can ever lose!
P.S. ~ Good thing I'm back in school...else I might be in real trouble. I do realize I spelled it wrong. ;)
